In this day and age, we already see great parents feeling pressure to always second guess their parenting styles. As a society, we can give parents enough to feel unnecessarily guilty about, so don’t let whether or not you are playing enough with your children be another source of self doubt or guilt for you. Instead, lets celebrate the positive aspects of what you are doing when you are able to play with them as well as what their brain is doing when they play on their own. This blog is about the research behind free play, or nondirected play, and the positive impacts it has on your child’s brain development. Let it help you find balance between one-on-one attention and autonomy for you and your child.

The Power of Playing

For children, playing is an essential skill. It advances cognitive, physical, social, and emotional development. It is essential to healthy brain development and allows children to interact with the world around them and build their self confidence through role-playing, problem-solving, and cognitive development. In fact, its been labeled as a human right by the High Commission of the United Nations.

Playing with adults and different directives is definitely beneficial to children, but studies continually show that child-directed play (where a child leads with how they want to play) is the most beneficial because a child is not limited to or required to conform to others. Instead, they are building their own experiences and learning from their own choices.

Observing child-directed play is also a critical need for parents to witness their child’s developing thought processes, internal conflicts, emotions, observations, fears or concerns, and their confidence in their environment. This is one reason play therapy is so powerful in clinical therapy settings with children. It is a window into the cognitive constructs and mindset of children and it is an avenue for them to process internal conflicts safely.

After observing, a caregiver or therapist can later communicate new guidances or strategies by meeting the child where they are developmentally. These strategies can also then be conveyed through play or visual prompts like books or toys.

Risks of Play Reduction

In the past decade a push for academic and sports-related achievement, as well as increased screen times, have reportedly seen a reduction of free play in children and middle-schoolers. We have also seen a reduction in recess time or free play at schools due to weather, time constraints, and screen-based tools for instruction. Reduced play in young children has been linked to reduced executive functioning skills and difficulty focusing. Thankfully, many schools have been recognizing these negative impacts on childrens’ abilities to focus in the classroom without those previous outlets and are actively working to address it.

When our children are overly scheduled or are focused too often on screens, there can be increases in stress responses and susceptibility to anxiety. Overly focusing on achievement can lead to children seeking perfectionism, which is a mindset that is linked to increased risks of anxiety and depression symptoms. In middle school years and beyond, children also face social pressures, physical changes, and increased mental health stressors from social media. Having a stronger foundation of emotional and social development in their youth can benefit children well into their teen years by building better resiliency and communication and reducing a desire for perfectionism.

Many studies also show the benefits of free play and having to creatively deal with boredom through self-guided play on a child’s development of emotional resiliency and problem-solving. So when your children come to you because they’re bored, resist that urge to find them entertainment. It can be better for them to remain bored a bit longer and allow their own brains to work to seek out entertainment. You can still provide guidelines and supervise for safety, but sometimes by removing yourself from actively being involved you can be providing long-term benefits for them.

Studies have also shown that unstructured outdoor play time can allow children to be more inventive, explorative, and confident when engaging with their environment. Consistent unstructured outdoor play (meaning not organized sports) can increase distance vision, sensory development, mood sets, and attention span. It has been shown to reduce symptoms in children diagnosed with ADHD.

Playing & Building Family Bonds

Now this is the section about balance. When we do play with our children it can build emotional bonds, trust, and comfort. We can help them work through frustrations or big emotions. These experiences are incredibly important. If we don’t balance them with free play as well, we can lose some of the benefits of confidence building and problem-solving that play fosters. We want our children to trust that we are always there for them emotionally, but we don’t want them to always feel like we are necessary for their sense of physical or emotional safety, especially when we know they’re safe. Fostering this need for a caregiver to always be present for a child to feel comfortable can lead to an anxious attachment with children. Now it is important to consider a child’s developmental age, though. A 6 month old needs the consistent presence of a caregiver in a way that a 2-year-old does not. Also note that it is developmentally normal for children to go through a stage where they may anxiously seek out their caregivers instead of wanting to play on their own, even if they had not done so before. This often happens alongside the development of new fears, such as when your formerly fearless child is now suddenly afraid of the dark. These are normal stages of development. As long as you provide support as they are developing, along with the encouragement that they are also safe without you always next to them, it remains a stage that they can master.

Also, acknowledge your own need for self care. If you’re a caregiver that takes on a lot of the mental load of caring for your family, you can feel physically “tapped out” with the idea of physical or focused play sometimes with your children. Or maybe you’re a caregiver that thrives on physical and active play and it feels mentally “recharging” for you. Wherever you find yourself on that spectrum, acknowledge your areas of strength and be mindful of caring for your needs as well. You’re going to be a better parent when you are also taking care of yourself. So if you struggle with the extra energy for playing with your child sometimes, here are some examples of ways you can be engaged while also fostering the benefits of solo play for your child:

• set up a matchbox car course for them, redecorate a room in their barbie house, set up a playmobil town (one of our favorites), or some other scene for your child to then interact with. Give clear directions before you build it that they will play with it without you and then surprise them with your design and take some time for yourself.

• give them drawing challenges or story writing prompts and set a time limit until you’ll playfully “judge” or view their work

• create an obstacle course with pillows, painter’s tape, or other items that will be safe and easy for them to reassemble into more versions that they can create on their own

• set up a movie theater experience at home for them in a different room. You can add to the uniqueness of it and keep them more engaged than your typical movie time by having them draw the ticket stubs, menus, or movie announcements. They can bring their stuffed animals to the show as well or act out movie scenes with their own figurines. Then use that time for some of your own needs.

You can find some more ideas to foster creative play and emotional expression through the link below to my blog about my favorite sensory tools for children.

You can also find a great directed-play idea here in my blog about increasing communication skill building with your children through play.