*this post will contain amazon affiliated purchasing links as well as links to free resources

Deep breathing is likely something you have heard about before, but do you know why it is beneficial and what it does in your body when you’re stressed?

First, lets talk about our stress response. It is the brain’s reaction to perceived dangers- this can be a car suddenly pulling out in front of you or simply walking into a room full of new people. That stress response increases your heart rate, your breathing, and releases neurochemicals to help you fight or flee from that danger- the fight or flight response. When there is no real danger to run from or fight off, we have to be the ones to turn off that response in our brain. Deep breathing helps us tell our brain to shut off the response because it helps us to calm our heart rate back down.

In kids, when the fight-or-flight response is triggered it can look like a tantrum as they are chemically overwhelmed. Focusing solely on calming their breathing, instead of trying to talk through the situation, can help turn off their fight-or-flight response so they are able to begin to problem-solve once their body has fully calmed down. Click on the button below for my blog on the fight-or-flight response in adults and children.

Deep breathing is when we breath slowly in through our nose, hold it for a few seconds, and then slowly out through our mouth. If you place your hand on your stomach you should feel it rise and fall with each breath. When we are stressed or upset and engage in deep breathing, it sends messages to our brain to relax and regulate our heartbeat by bringing in more airflow to our lungs. If you can imagine yours or your child’s breath when upset, it is often shallow and rapid. Now imagine a deep, slow breath being on the opposite side of a breathing spectrum. The exaggerated and deliberate steps of deep breathing can help pull your breath from quick and shallow and back to your normal breathing rate.

This may sound simple but it can feel very difficult to breath at a specific tempo when we are really stressed. That is why consistent practice of it when we are calm makes deep breathing more effective when we are facing a sudden stressor because the pacing becomes a form of “muscle memory”, which is really just memories and habits stored in our brain.

Parents

Remember, just discussing or occasionally practicing deep breathing with kids will likely not be enough to truly see quick benefits from it when they’re upset. It needs to be practiced consistently or built into your daily routines. You can take one or two deep breaths before you say goodnight, before you pull out of the driveway each day (especially when you’re rushed to help everyone ‘reset’), or sometime before your child starts their school day. This lets deep breathing become engrained in their responses and behaviors so it can be an effective strategy in their coping ‘tool box’ when they’re upset and their brain and body is not functioning the same ways it would be if they weren’t stressed.

Children as young as toddlers can begin to practice deep breathing as long as you are realistic in setting your goals for the process. For young children, the goal is for the parent to model what deep breathing looks like while maintaining a calm demeanor and providing comfort. Modeling is often visual, so show them the steps by practicing in front of them while allowing them to join in if they’re willing. Modeling can also be physical, so it can also be the sensation of the rise and fall of your chest from your deep breaths as you hold them when they’re upset. The goal is not to stop their crying, but to teach them positive ways to regulate their emotions when we they are upset.

During a tantrum, when you find yourself feeling frustrated, try to recall what you hear each time you board a plane for a flight- “In cases of emergency, parents need to put on their own oxygen masks before assisting their children”. During a tantrum, use the deep breathing to focus on calming your responses in that moment, it models the skill for your child, but it also allows you to regulate your responses empathetically as well as firmly, reducing avoidance behaviors, aggressive behaviors, or numbing behaviors in both you and your child.

My video link below also explains some of the specific steps and strategies for deep breathing exercises in greater detail.

Here are some of my favorite ways to practice with kids that can be found on amazon for purchase or you can make your own. Use things like puffy paints or scented markers to get more sensory involvement when making the visual aids.

Using bubbles is my favorite way to practice with kids because to make a truly big bubble we have to be utilizing the deep breathing method. We need enough air in our lungs to let the bubble continue to grow (deep breath in) and we have to exhale slowly enough that we don’t pop it or turn it into a bunch of bubbles (slow, steady breath out).