Whether we mean to or not, we’re always modeling to children ways to react to big emotions as they watch us react to our own. Sometimes we’re portraying behaviors we want reinforced and sometimes we’re not. Emotional Regulation Programs like the Power Skills Program, are intentional self regulation strategies to build effective responses to overwhelming emotions and experiences. Teaching kids these strategies also needs to be paired with teaching them WHY these strategies work and how they help them regain control of their bodies and emotions. Teaching the WHY helps motivate children to practice their strategies when they’re calm and use their strategies when they’re upset.

Dr. Daniel Siegel, a renowned neuroscientist, developed two models to help explain how our brain engages with the Fight-or-Flight Stress Response and why we should engage in regulation strategies to help regain control over our brain’s response. These models not only make it easier for us as adults to understand, but also provide a great way to explain these natural responses to kids.

The Upstairs/Downstairs Brain Model

Imagine your brain is a house with an upstairs, downstairs, and staircase connecting the two floors. The downstairs part of your brain is the more primitive, instinctual part. It gets build first to help your body function and to help keep you safe. It controls things like breathing and heart rate as well as safety responses like the Fight-or-Flight Response to react to threats or danger. These reactions can include strong emotions like fear and anger. These responses can be instantaneous and our brain can sometimes get our responses wrong, like thinking trying new food is as threatening as a strange dog running at us.

You can read more about the Fight-or-Flight Response in my blog here:

The upstairs brain is what helps us decipher whether a threat is accurate or not, but it does not fully develop until our mid 20’s, so children need soothing assistance and self regulation tools to help “turn off” their Fight-or-Flight Responses when they’ve been miscued. The upstairs brain allows us to problem-solve, recall and utilize skills to calm ourselves, focus, empathize, challenge our fears, and use our imagination. It is foundational to our mental health, but it takes time to develop and it needs to develop properly. This means that for the earlier parts of our lives, the downstairs is in control of our reactions to life events. Over time, as our upstairs brain develops more and we are modeled those ‘upstairs’ skills by others, we get more opportunities to use and practice those ‘upstairs’ skills ourselves. This begins to develop a form of communication between the upstairs and the downstairs brain- the staircase.

The staircase develops more as we use the upstairs more- this means practicing emotional regulation skills, brain breaks, coping strategies, building positive connections with social supports, receiving encouragement or compassionate correction. These skills and supports allow us the time to pause and regulate our responses to stressful stimuli. In young children, adults help foster this staircase with both positive modeling of emotional regulation as well as teaching self regulation. These skills are developed by building positive connections and providing comfort when needed (verbal, physical, and visual). It is important for parents and caregivers to recognize that children are not capable of the self regulation that adults- and even children a few years older than them- are. As adults, we often struggle with forms of self regulation ourselves and we need to react compassionately and model our responses appropriately to children that are struggling with even less tools (and less brain development).

Providing an emotionally safe environment allows children to work on self-soothing and self-regulating so they can build their own resiliency, because as with all things in life- it is often about finding a balance. For growing children, this balance is between being regulated by the care of others and finding emotional regulation within themselves, and that ratio can look different at each age and stage of life. As children practice emotional regulation more and receive encouragement, they build their confidence in themselves and their abilities to handle big emotions, which can reduce how easily or how long their Fight-or-Flight response is triggered.

You can check out a great 6 minute video for kids explaining the Upstairs and Downstairs Brain Model here by SEL Sketches on YouTube:

Teachers & Parents- You can get a free worksheet in my storefront to break down stressful situations into discussions about Upstairs and Downstairs Behaviors. Then add in ideas for tools to build better communication between the Upstairs and Downstairs brain when stressed.

The Hand-Brain Model

This model uses our hand as a representation of our brain. If you stretch out your hand and look at it, the palm of your hand would represent the areas that are the first to develop fully. These primitive areas govern our instinctual needs and regulate functioning like breathing, swallowing, heart rate, etc. This area is sometimes casually referred to as the reptilian brain. This is similar to the downstairs brain. The thumb represents our limbic system, most notably the Amygdala, often referred to as the ‘watchdog’ as it scans for threats. The amygdala houses our emotional responses like the Fight-or-Flight Stress Response. The fingers represent the prefrontal cortex, which allows us to stop and think critically, problem-solve, have empathy, visualize time, and maintain focus. It is the Upstairs part of the Upstairs/Downstairs Model.

When we begin teaching this model, we spread out our hand like Figure 1- explaining some of the different parts of the brain’s systems. Then we would tuck our thumb in our hand and as we wrap our fingers over our thumb we explain that when our Amygdala is calm it is able to communicate with our thinking brain, meaning we can think through and problem-solve our stressors, manage our emotions, and regulate our reactions. When our thumb is tucked in, our brain is functioning the best that it can at whichever developmental stage it is in (since the thinking part of brain is still developing typically into our mid 20’s).

When we get too stressed or Fight-or-Fight is triggered, we can “Flip our Lid”. This is Figure 3- where our fingers are now out of reach of our Amygdala, meaning communication with the thinking part of our brain is temporarily ‘offline’. We are reacting instinctually and possibly more extremely than necessary. Our Amygdala and our primitive brain combined form the emotional and reactive parts of our brain and when we “Flip Our Lid” they are the ones in control.

To “Close our Lid” and bring our fingers back down so they touch our thumb, we need to calm our stress responses. This means signaling to our brain that we are safe. We can do this with our emotional regulation strategies like deep breathing, movement, mindfulness, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, grounding, bilateral stimulation, and more. These strategies can target those primitive areas of our brain like our breathing, heart rate, vestibular system, sensory systems, etc., and return them to a state of relaxation- which allows our Fight-or-Flight Response to ‘turn off’ and our thinking brain to come back ‘online’. It can also redirect our attention so we can focus on other stimuli and calm our Fight-or-Flight Response.

You can check out a great 3 minute video for kids explaining this concept here at Mineola Grows! on YouTube:

For older elementary & middle school students, this poetry version 1.5 minute video is also great at Dinkum Kids Psychology on YouTube:

This YouTube channel at Lewis Psychology also has great information for adults on a variety of Dr. Siegel’s Models:

Find more BLOGS on emotional regulation strategies click here:

Citations

Siegel, D. J., & Payne Bryson, T. (2011). The whole-brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child's developing mind.