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The holidays often spark a focus on family and relationships. For many, that can tie to an increase in anxiousness, stress, or loneliness. This can lead to what is often called, The Holiday Blues, or a situational increase in anxiety and depression symptoms during the holidays. Clinical depression and Anxiety Disorders, which are longer term versions of these symptoms, can also be impacted and increased.

People can experience the Holiday Blues for a variety of reasons, whether from grief and loss felt more strongly over the season, strains in relationships and family interactions, financial struggles, or even a childhood without positive holiday experiences. Because of the array of factors that can trigger the feelings of sadness, numbness, stress, irritability, or anxiety during the holiday, there is not a “one-size fits all” approach, nor a specific timeline for change and healing, but there has to be a start. This blog is aimed at building compassion for yourself and steps to start that healing.

1) You don’t have to mask. You don’t have to pretend to be happy.

2) Others may not know how to act around you- what to say or not to say. If you want, you are allowed to tell them. For example, if you’re experiencing grief over the holidays, it is ok to tell others that they can talk about the loved one that you lost. It’s ok for you to mention your lost loved one without fear of changing or ‘bringing down’ the mood. Talking about something that makes us sad doesn’t mean that we will stay sad. It can lead to stories, laughter, connection, empathy, and even joy.

3) It’s ok to not be all right. Don’t say that you are for the sake of others, because even if you might not believe it sometimes, you matter too. Also, you can still have moments of joy and moments of sadness or irritation. There aren’t rules to processing grief, trauma, and chronic stress. It is not all-or-nothing types of responses. This is important to realize because you may feel like you shouldn’t reach out for help if you’re still able to have moments of happiness and peace, but that’s not true. You don’t have to ignore all those combinations of feelings you are experiencing. As uncertain as you might be about reaching out to others, they may be uncertain about reaching out to you. If you struggle with this and self isolate, this could be a good time to consider working with a therapist.

4) Set boundaries. Set boundaries with yourself (self care) and with others. Boundaries with yourself can look like not trying to “top last year” or compete with others on social media or in your life. It can be about setting spending limits and limits on your time that you offer to others. Setting boundaries with others can mean saying NO to other’s expectations or time demands that can overwhelm you.

Sometimes drawing outlines or budgets to reduce the pressure on yourself, in terms of finances or time commitments and more, can help you to visually process your limits. If you struggle with setting boundaries with others, therapists can help you not only learn what healthy boundaries may look like, but also help manage the temporary anxiety of communicating and enforcing them. Remember, just because something was a habit or tradition for the generations before you, does not mean it was mentally healthy for them. The idea of “I suffered through it, so you should too” is not a tradition to keep. It is okay to set your own traditions and spend each year building healthier relationships with those you celebrate with.

5) Incorporate stress reduction strategies into your routine before you even know you need them. This can be a set activity like writing daily gratitudes, practicing affirmations, journaling, or going for walks. This can also be mood setting strategies, like listening to music during more stressful activities (cleaning/cooking), neutral activities (showering), and fun activities (decorating)- or however those variations may look for you specifically.

6) If able, plan a break for at least a day or two post holidays to destress and resettle back into your routines. This can help if you find yourself overwhelmed during the holidays, but it can also help if you find yourself feeling extra lonely or sad after the socialization of the holidays and you need time to process those feelings before jumping back into your normal routine. For some, the Holiday Blues come after the holidays end. If this is the case for you, plan comfortable routines and socialization following the holidays. Make sure you are using healthy coping habits prior to the holidays ending.

Helping Loved Ones With The Holiday Blues

Knowing what to say or do to help a loved one who is struggling can feel very tricky. Truth is, there is not a set thing to say or do. Just being present and actively listening can be a powerful way to help. Realizing when your loved one needs something more than you can offer is also important. Clinical depression doesn’t just look like sadness. Someone who is clinically depressed can also be the most charismatic and social person in the room. It can also manifest as anger and irritability or even numbness and apathy. If you’re concerned about your loved one’s mental health and safety, encourage them to talk to a mental health professional. You can find information about working with a psychiatrist, therapist, or both in this blog below.

If the holidays are hard for you due to unhealthy family dynamics and childhood traumas, working with a trauma therapist can help untangle future holidays from the connections it has to feelings of hurt and betrayal and allow you to begin to redefine what they can mean to you in the future. Not all therapists are trauma therapist, so check for a therapist’s specializations before scheduling.

You can also check out the digital downloads on trauma work for sale at the therapy-thoughts shop here as well.

Look for the children’s printables in the shop to help them process grief during the holidays.

What helps you balance your stress load during the Holidays? Comment below: