Gratitude vs Toxic Positivity
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As we wind down from the day dedicated to giving thanks, it’s good to focus on what that can mean to us beyond just a specific date. When we spend time with those who feel like family, whether by blood or by choice- friends, mentors, professionals, colleagues, or even strangers who show us kindness and understanding when we need it- THAT can be an event to be thankful for on any date.
Expressing genuine gratitude can be a very emotionally rewarding experience for the giver as well as the recipient. Studies have shown that when we express our gratitude (especially verbally) to someone meaningful to us, it can lift self reported symptoms of depression and anxiety. That makes sense, right? The really incredible news is that expressing your gratitude can have the most significant impact on those that initially reported themselves as feeling the most depressed or anxious. Those that are hurting the most are also helped the most by expressing to their support systems what they mean to them. It can remind us that we’re not alone when we struggle and that our lives- us- we matter to the people we choose to be a part of that life and that they matter to us.
Holidays can be a time of stress, broken boundaries, grief, anxiety, and more for some. Expressing gratitude is not about minimizing our stressors or “just focusing on the positive”. It is about acknowledging our ports in the storm that we sometimes tie-off to.
Toxic positivity is the external and internal pressure we feel to suppress or minimize negative feelings and only display or focus on the positive ones. Toxic positivity is a dysfunctional form of emotional management because ignoring, hiding, and minimizing negative feelings doesn’t actually remove them, it just makes us less capable of managing them. Often toxic positivity from others is unintentional or comes from a place of genuinely trying to help, but it is based in a misunderstanding of emotional regulation and processing. It can trigger feelings of shame, isolation, insecurity, and ultimately increases stress as we store those feelings in our body instead of working them out. So instead of focusing on the giver that “just think positive” advice (whether someone else or yourself), look at what you do with that advice and how you speak to yourself about your feelings and experiences. It’s good to be able to see the balance and fluidity of your daily life- there can be good, neutral, and negative experiences mixed throughout a day. Choosing to focus solely on the good or solely on the negative throws you emotionally out of balance (and out of the reality of your body’s responses to your day).
You can learn more about addressing toxic positivity in my blog below:
Expressing gratitude is not about ignoring hardships or your emotional needs. It’s about acknowledging the supports you have/had during those hardships and acknowledging the moments of peace and possibility during those hardships as well, or as you heal from them.
Expressing gratitude can not only increase our happiness (which is subjective, of course) but it can also increase our resiliency and our coping skills. How we express gratitude can differ for all of us and our social situations. It can be telling a past teacher how they inspired you or thanking a loved one for listening when you felt stuck, lost, or unheard by others.
Perhaps you know the “love language” of the person you wish to express your gratitude to. You can align your thanks to the form they would most feel appreciated with. You can learn more about love languages here:
Daily Gratitudes
Daily gratitudes can help us maintain an emotional balance. Again, it’s important we acknowledge that our daily experiences are not all bad or all good. A hard, stressful day can still have moments of peace or calm to be grateful for. Being grateful for the small things sprinkled throughout your day does not come at the cost of ignoring the impact of the stressful moments either. Noticing the small, daily positives in your day can help you feel more emotionally capable of dealing with the more stressful parts of your day, instead of giving into maladaptive coping strategies, like avoiding or minimizing them. You can learn more about maladaptive coping strategies here:
Daily gratitudes also promote neural plasticity, which if you’ve ready my other blogs, you’ve seen me talk a lot about the benefits of neural plasticity. It is your brain’s ability to structurally and functionally change itself as it adapts to your experiences. Our brains are often primed to notice the possible threats in our environments, but that can leave us more likely to focus on the negatives of our experiences. Anxiety, Depression, Mood Disorders and more can amplify this. Daily gratitudes teach your brain to reshape itself to notice the small positives in your day because you are practicing that strategy on a daily basis. The more often you write down your daily gratitudes, the more likely your brain is going to look for new gratitudes throughout the following day, to prepare itself for the task of writing them down that night. You do this long enough and you can structurally change your brain to be able to naturally notice the positives in your life and have a stronger sense of resiliency when facing future hardships.
There are many daily gratitude journals on the market or you can check out the new Therapy-Thoughts Store to purchase a digital download of a daily gratitude and self care worksheet below. You can also simply write down three gratitudes each evening in a notebook to track your progress on building this very valuable skill.
Follow up with this blog about positive affirmations!
Comment Below With Your 3 Gratitudes for Today!
