How You Are Dealing With Your Anxiety Can be Making It Worse
*this article includes amazon affiliated links as well as links to free printables and resources
It is normal to want immediate fixes for our anxious feelings and thoughts, but sometimes the way we choose to address them can actually be making them return more frequently and/or more intensely. In this post I’ll address some maladaptive coping strategies for anxiety. In other words, these are ways we try to cope with our anxiety that is actually making it worse. I’ll just be focusing on three common ones, but links about more forms of maladaptive responses can be found through my pinterest links.
The most common maladaptive coping strategy for anxiety and stressors is avoidance. There is a reason it is the most common one. It is the most effective strategy to immediately reduce our anxiety and instantly feel better. When we avoid doing or going to an event that is making us anxious, we can get relief the minute we make or communicate that decision. The problem is that we have just told our anxiety it was correct to have been worried. We are telling ourselves, “Yea that would have ended badly. I wouldn’t have had fun. It wouldn’t have worked, etc.” Except we don’t know that is true because we didn’t attempt it. Many times anxiety can make us want to avoid situations that we know we enjoy or were previously looking forward to. When we manage to attend those events or do those actions though, we often end up enjoying ourselves pretty quickly after we start or we arrive. If we would have avoided that situation, we would have faced even more anxiety the next time it or something similar came up.
In kids this could look like school avoidance or deciding last minute they don’t want to attend an extracurricular or get-together. In teens and adults it can be cancelling plans last minute, habitually being very late, not doing assignments, not calling or texting people back, or letting bills pile up if we’re avoiding calling a company. These forms of avoidance can come with natural consequences that go beyond the immediate relief that avoidance initially gives.
Strategies found in many psychotherapies, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectic Behavioral Therapy, Exposure Therapy, and more, can be helpful in addressing avoidance and building better distress tolerance to challenge your anxious thoughts and reduce unhelpful habits.
Another maladaptive coping strategy is called sensitization. It is when we repeatedly rehearse or prepare for something that worries us. It is meant to initially help us and when done reasonably, planning for stressful events can be very beneficial. This strategy becomes maladaptive though when it becomes a habit where we have to mentally keep preparing for the same event or we become hyper-vigilant about stressors and it spreads to other areas of our lives. If we are always searching for the negatives around us we are going to find them. It can lead to a lot of ‘false alarms’. It also stops us from being present in the moment because we are always preparing for the next possible problem. We don’t allow ourselves to experience the positivity of what might be happening around us.
Again, therapy can be beneficial for addressing anxious thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Practicing strategies like mindfulness and meditation can help strengthen your ability to be more present in the moment. Coping strategies like grounding, deep breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation can help you manage your body’s anxious responses.
The final maladaptive coping response is using safety behaviors. These are often rules we’ve made for ourselves that dictate something we must do or someone we must have to be able to tolerate our anxious fear. This is often paired with an unreasonable amount of effort to ensure that action is followed or that person/thing is present to be able to tolerate our fear. This may look like someone that can only go grocery shopping when someone is with them or someone who’s morning routine is interrupted and they become anxious all day that something bad is going to happen to them.
In a form of therapy called Exposure Therapy someone would choose to gradually work towards engaging in their fears by taking small steps towards it and building tolerance for their discomfort. So, for example, if someone had a fear of driving, then driving with a passenger would be a positive step in their treatment plan. This step only becomes maladaptive when we convince ourselves that we can’t complete the same task without our safety behavior. So in this example, it could look like someone uncomfortable picking up their sick child from school because it would require them to drive by themselves, even if they had been able to drive with a passenger recently.
Awareness of these habits is the first step of actively addressing them. If it feels like anxiety is controlling your life there are professionals out there with the tools to help you take your happiness back in your hands.
“Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strengths”
Below are some workbooks to build a better understanding of what anxiety is and what the thoughts or behaviors may look like for you if you have it. Also included are resources on meditation and mindfulness which can be beneficial to all, whether you suffer from chronic stress or not. Meditation and mindfulness have wonderful health benefits, which I will explore in another blog soon. Check out my pinterest link for free resources and youtube channel for more videos.
