Valentine’s Day Is For Love, Not Just Romance

*this post contains amazon-associated links as well as links to free resources

Valentines Day can bring up a lot of different emotions in people and it’s important that we acknowledge what those feelings are for each of us. Resiliency is not something we have from a lack of experiences with emotions, but instead from a learned tolerance and acceptance of them. To feel sad is not bad, but it is difficult. So how can you help yourself if a holiday like this one does not bring you cheer, but reminds you of loss or frustration?

First, think of those you do love in your life- friendships, family, pets, support systems. What ways can you express that on this holiday. How can you spend time in the week acknowledging each other? Are there nieces and nephews, grandparents, students, or coworkers that you care about and want to send a small token of care to? These don’t have to include any purchases- words, hugs, acts of kindness are all expressions of our love for others. We also know that expressing one’s gratitude to someone can have a significant impact on our own negative emotions and can improve feelings of depression and sadness. The act of engaging our mind into a planned action for someone else can help us actively address our own mental health needs. Also, there is no deadline on something like this- any day is a good time!

Next, we need to show that level of care to our most important relationship- the one with ourselves. Self care, positive affirmations, and talking back to that negative voice in our head that doubts us, is the most important thing we do on days that are hard. It’s not about having a false or fake positivity, but it’s a rejection of the negativity our mind may want to sit in. This holiday only has the weight you give it, so if any holiday is particularly hard for you, acknowledge it and reduce some of that day’s triggers, like staying off of social media if you know it will negatively impact you. Social media only highlights what others want to be seen, it should never be a source of comparison for yourself. Instead, spend the day focusing on your favorites- the things that make you happy too. Blast some music and dance, plan a night with friends or family, create or build something new, or snuggle into a good book- whatever makes you happy!

Try to challenge your thought distortions on this day or ones like it. Instead of solely focusing on the happy couple you know, acknowledge all the happy single friends you also know. When you’re enjoying your life, don’t let yourself doubt it because of a day that highlights relationships, because no relationship boils down to just one day. Just like every other relationship in your life, romantic ones have ups and downs, so don’t let yourself over-glamorize it on Valentines Day.

If you find yourself really struggling during any holiday though, speaking to a professional can be the first step to getting the help you need to reclaim your happiness.

If you’re in a relationship, it’s equally as important to not focus on this one day as a snapshot of your whole relationship. Look at the growth of yourself and your partner overall and spend Valentine’s Day as an acknowledgement of your impacts on each other. Don’t let the pressure of perfection stress you out emotionally or financially this holiday.

You can also spend this holiday learning each other’s true love language, by taking the 5 Love Languages quiz. The 5 love languages is a way to define how each person perceives love- this does not specifically mean romantic love either. Knowing a loved one’s love language shows you what actions are the most meaningful to them and when they know yours they can better understand what connections mean the most to you. Everyone can have a different perception of what it means to show someone you love them, romantically or not. The 5 love languages have also been adapted for parents and children to find ways to better connect with your children on their individual level in a way that resonates most with them.

Below are free resources for you and those you love to discover your own love languages. Check out my pinterest board describing each of the love languages further and to get access to printable quizzes or click on the link below to take the quiz online.