Building Listening and Communication Skills With LEGO
*this post includes amazon associated links as well as links to free resources
I have a favorite play therapy strategy when it comes to building more positive communication and listening skills in children and siblings. One reason I love it is that it works well and is easily modified for different ages, but mostly it’s because it always teaches the adult a bit more about their own skill set and how to adapt more to the child they are working with. This game is designed to help children and adults learn to speak to each other more clearly, especially when they’re frustrated, and to build a better understanding of what each other may need to hear from them to understand how they are feeling or thinking. It puts a spotlight on our tendencies to assume that others know what we are thinking or feeling by setting up rules during game play where we have to be very precise in our explanations.
So first, let me explain what you’ll need for this game and how it’s played. The game is set up so two people have the exact same items that they are going to use to build something. I always use Lego because they are easily assembled and disassembled between turns and I can just keep them in two separate bags to use each time. I like to always have a figurine and animal or vehicle in these bags along with duplicate spare parts for the kids to build something out of their imagination. These pieces should be random, not complete sets, otherwise it can limit their imagination. So I have often bought smaller sets and mixed in pieces from each. But each player must have the exact same building pieces (with the exception of the faces on the figurines). You can add in or reduce the amount of pieces based on your child’s age as long as you both have the same ones.
Each person is going to take a turn being the builder and the listener. The builder will construct something with their legos while the listener waits to be told how to build the exact same thing once the builder is done. The KEY here, is that neither person is allowed to look at each other’s legos at ANY time until the listener has completely finished their attempt at building the same thing. So we often sit with a coffee table blocking our views to reduce any temptation to peek. This is important because it makes the builder have to be very precise and break down their steps as they attempt to get the listener to build the exact same thing they did. The listener is allowed to ask questions, but they can’t hold up pieces for confirmation.
“First take the long, flat blue piece.”
“Is it the rectangle or the square blue piece?”
“Square. Then take a red rectangle piece with 8 dots and put it on the far right side of the blue piece.”
“Wait, is the blue piece horizontal or vertical?”
This will obviously get a little frustrating, for both the adult and child, as each take a turn trying to follow the other’s directions. That is why this activity is meant to also be a time to use our calming strategies in the moment, to try to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes, and to often try to explain our thoughts in multiple ways. For example, horizontal or vertical will have to be described differently to a younger child than an older one. You’ll also have to interpret what their definition of it means when they try to teach you to replicate their build. It teaches the adult to adapt as well, which is very important. It gives the child the chance to be encouraged in the moment by the adult, especially as the adult can use a calming strategy with them if they do become flustered. If you don’t try to rescue them from that frustration completely by quitting, they are often excited to keep trying. We have to practice coping with frustration to actually be able to.
I rarely have a session where myself or the child is able to completely replicate the item the first try, so I use that to highlight the benefits of practicing our strategies multiple times and as an opportunity to discuss why the task can be frustrating:
1) we often think others can picture the same thing in their mind that we have pictured in ours
2) we can often get used to our way of saying something without truly knowing if the other person understood us before moving on
3) we can have trouble asking questions or putting our thoughts into words
4) we can want to quit when something is hard or we think we won’t do it perfectly
5) we can become overly stressed when we know we have a time limit for a task
So then we make sure to praise each other for what we did well that helped us and we move onto another round, since now we’re getting the hang of it, and because, well, it’s LEGO. I have seen many happy faces when a child has been able to build the same thing as me or I have been able to build their creation (and I have seen some awesome creations). We also always consider it a win when it’s close, because life is not about perfection.
These concepts are all important things to address and work through, especially since they often get heightened when we’re upset. Instead of shutting down, we are teaching kids to practice communicating and listening through small frustrations each time we play this game. It often ends with successes or hilarious attempts the longer you play and it identifies the areas that both of you can work on with each other in the future.
I always make a point to discuss with the kids how our frustration impacts how hard it is to listen or explain ourselves when we’re upset. That’s why it is important to STOP and calm down our body first when we’re upset, so we can better communicate what is wrong and the other person can better understand or hear us.
This game is also great for siblings to play AFTER they have had a turn to play it with you. It may be harder for siblings to help calm or encourage each other during frustrating tasks, so allowing them both to learn the game with you first can even make them more excited to try it together.
So scour your lego bin or here are some ideas to get started:
