The Smaller, The Better
When you look at the things you cherish in your life, they often come from humbler beginnings. It can be family, relationships, careers, independence, or more that you kept your focus on day by day, year by year, growing it into the shape it takes today. Often our biggest accomplishments or sources of comfort did not arrive in one big declaration, but through our quieter and constant day to day interactions with it and towards it.
This can be reflected in many of the struggles we have as well. Addressing our mental, physical, and emotional health rarely comes from one big swoop of effort either. It takes daily mindfulness of it, as well as daily resets. In the same way we work towards improving our mental health daily, the deterioration of our mental health can also come little by little as we neglect those needs. This can mean that we’re often unaware of how long we have actually been heading towards stress or overwhelm because stress has been building as our daily choices have been pulling us away from our needs little by little.
So when it comes to correcting that, it requires the same daily effort. It is natural, though, to want our needs to be fixed immediately- our anxiety, trauma wounds, recurrent relationship arguments, our emotions (or the emotional regulation of those around us)- but all of these things require the day to day practices of self awareness, self correction, self advocation, and the changing and building of habits and perceptions. It’s the day to day interactions with our needs that will be the true catalyst for changing them.
“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day-in and day-out.”
If this feels daunting or overwhelming to you- that’s natural- but it also means you’re still looking at the big picture of it all. You’re still focusing on adding up all that daily effort to meet your ultimate goal. In truth, you’ll be facing daily effort one way or another- either towards or away from your goal. Being mindful of that daily choice is where your true success lies. So often we hear each other say how we’ve set goals or New Year’s resolutions only to have lost momentum or shelved them. We think of it in all-or-nothing terms, like we’re either actively working towards that goal or we’ve lost it and it doesn’t exist anymore. In truth, that goal is still there each day if we just choose to interact with it again. It doesn’t have to be one valiant effort where we bought all the accessories and tools available to practice reaching that goal. We have better success when we just choose to interact with it, each day, in some small way.
In fact, the smaller the better.
We’re more likely to repeat small acts and slowly build on them. Each day is an opportunity to forward your progress or to pause it without judgement. Judging yourself for the days you don’t meet that daily desire only further impedes your chances at ultimately reaching your goals.
Start with how you talk to yourself about that goal. Often we declare noble reasons for setting a goal, ignoring some of the fears or insecurities that might actually be driving us to set that particular goal. You have to acknowledge those insecurities or fears, though. If you don’t, they can impact the way you choose to measure your success and they can ultimately sabotage that success. Look at the bottom example in the diagram below to see how this can happen.
You can learn more about goal setting and building small daily habits to reach those goals in my previous blog below:
“The victory of success is half won when one gains the habit of setting and achieving goals”
Ultimately, though, if you don’t take note of your progress and allow yourself to enjoy the journey as well as the success of reaching a goal before you set another one, then you are not truly receiving the rewards that your goals are meant to bring you. We have to be able to live in the moment and find rewards in even the smallest pieces of our daily lives. It is okay to want more and to strive for more, but you can’t only live in the future. When you reach a goal, make sure you acknowledge it and the work you put towards it. Make sure you enjoy it before you set another.
So take a moment- notice what you are currently gaining from where you are in your life- what security, joy, opportunity, inspiration, knowledge, etc., does it offer you right now? Then take a moment to check in with yourself about what you need to do to make sure you interact with that part of yourself today in a good way.
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